I am a prostitute

So although I was going to do a rant about how I was feeling etc I thought better of it and remembered a post that i wanted to write about two weeks, but lack of internet stopped me.....no such problem now though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So it started off when I read Isaiah 1v21-28, its harsh words but true and God spoke through it to me, reminding me of my attitute to him sometimes, i was once so faithful and pure, but somewhere along the lines walked away, although I felt way off from God all I had to do was turn around, which I did. He was speaking to me that what I was going through was part of a process (hmmm processes don't you just love them) to refine me from who I was and am to who he wants me to be. Anyways thanks to Bible gateway here is the Bible verse followed by my thoughts....

'See how the faithful city has become a harlot! She once was full of justice; righteousness used to dwell in her, but now murderers! Your silver has become dross, your choice wine is diluted with water. Your rulers are rebels, companions of thieves; they all love bribes and chase after gifts. They do not defend the cause of the fatherless; the widow's case does not come before them.

Therefore the Lord, the LORD Almighty, the Mighty One of Israel, declares: "Ah, I will get relief from my foes and avenge myself on my enemies. I will turn my hand against you; I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove all your impurities. I will restore your judges as in days of old, your counselors as at the beginning. Afterward you will be called the City of Righteousness, the Faithful City." Zion will be redeemed with justice, her penitent ones with righteousness. But rebels and sinners will both be broken, and those who forsake the LORD will perish.'

Ok here is what i wrote:

I am such a prostitute, an adulterer above all,
you've given me everything, but I've looked away.
What more should I need?
Nothing my head says; yet my eyes stray, my heart wanders and my mind walks away.

We had our good times, together we grew as one, at one point inseperable, but now thats not so.
Theres always something newer, bigger, 'better' I turn towards and give my heart away to,
because I want to experience that something else I think i need,
that I think will fulfil me and define a new me.

I'm worthless and nothing, tasteless and trash,
I've been passed arround, cheapened and abused.
I've become selfish, hard and full of pride,
that I can do it myself.

Yet in the cold and dark I find myself alone,
The other things once sparkling bright just fade to a muddy grey.
Those things I chased and left you for, were not worth it,
so I desperate I crawl back to you.

Each time I say I will be faithful and you accept me back,
only to find it's not true,
another thing, someone else always comes along
and willingly I give my heart and leave you there alone

Why do I do the things I do not want to do and don't do the things I ort;
Why do I leave you for something that won't fulfill?
Why do you accept me back as unfaithful as I am and why do you keep on loving,
I don't understand, but I'm so glad you do.

So there you have it a little insight into my mind and what Gods been talking to me about, actually it's quite a wierd thought letting everyone possibly in the world read what is going on in my relationship with God and also in my head, but yeah I just thought I would share the verses, because they challenged me. And I think that many people like me are like the Isrealites were - with God, something better comes, leave God, realise that its a mistake because things were going down hill or God was getting their attention, come back to GOd - a viscous circle. Anyways I feel this blog is a lot more productive and nicer than the one I really wanted to write.